


awakening (2018)

by goldmash



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-01
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2020-11-26 06:35:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 34
Words: 1,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20925752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldmash/pseuds/goldmash
Summary: dedicated to adara





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> dedicated to adara

what was it   
that made her shatter   
so that her lungs filled up with shards   
until she laughed like broken glass


	2. Chapter 2

i remember a time

when i was filled to the brim   
with words that would spill over,  
like lightning in a tea cup

and now i’m empty and dry  
a desolate land of the the unspoken, the unwritten  
a desert of howling winds and harsh winters  
with nothing to be found


	3. Chapter 3

i was bare land and a blank canvas

and now i am painted and tainted

and i haven't stopped bleeding


	4. Chapter 4

i taste ashes of the remnants of my soul

\- _i don't remember ever burning_


	5. Chapter 5

most days

i just drift and float

like castles in the sky


	6. Chapter 6

i am told i have

small galaxies woven into the fabric of my soul

starlight in my blood and stardust in my bones

_so why do i feel so very alone?_


	7. Chapter 7

i was a cracked geode, split into splinters

i was ink and stars and blackholes

i was blood and ice and fire

new dimensions lived inside of every shard 

i found everything in a broken me


	8. Chapter 8

i stand under scalding water

to wash away her venomous words

that can never be unheard

i try to unhook her claws from the crevices and cracks of my soul

intent to sizzle holes into my whole

with her white hot toxicity

i wither under her bubbling acidity

i realised i can't be neutralised

even when i turn away

i'm burnt anyway


	9. Chapter 9

sunken eyes watches and waits

watch(es her weight) 

slipping & dipping

as she pulls her skin tight over delicate bones


	10. Chapter 10

i didn't know that it would linger as a persistent ghost

echoing in the lightless corridors of my soul

hanging in the whispers winding around my teeth

etched in the ruby lines that i gently carved in me

in every thought stained with it's essence

a forsaken prayer and sinful salvation 

\- suicide


	11. Chapter 11

words hang out to die by her trembling lips

exhaustion built up in her spine

countless thoughts spill from her fingertips

no salvation from the divine


	12. Chapter 12

this discordant line separates us

made of barbed words and things left unsaid

how can we be continents away yet centimetres apart?

when we have years between us

(blood and tears between us)

we're only held together by a string of obligation and 'duty'

love has long faded into brittle whispers

unheard ghosts of our pasts warn us to let go

yet we still hold on to tattered shards that cut us

because this is all we've ever known


	13. Chapter 13

she trembles from within

she cannot withstand the hurricane of blade-like thoughts that pierce her

(not good enough

second choice

weak

faking it)

loneliness aches in her like hunger

scrapes her insides until she's desperately wanting:

to be found

to be understood

to be loved (with no conditions)

exhaustion is like lead clinging to her spine

hurt collected at the base of her soul

every breath is an uphill climb

nothing and no one can fill this hole

she fills her head and heart with stories

tries to restore herself to former glory

to forget her tragedies that she cannot erase

but she is _dead dead dead_ before she died

and ashes left instead in place


	14. Chapter 14

she is a cosmic explosion on my tongue

she is stardust in my blood

i am intertwined with her

every time i step away 

i u n r a v e l

\- my atoms have been looking for yours, darling


	15. Chapter 15

He was jagged jade and serrated steel.

"You can't fix what's broken in me."

She was barbed blades and pretty pieces.

"Then we'll build something new."


	16. Chapter 16

she taints her soul violet with violent bruises

she taunts her demons and dances away

she tucks the dripping curses back into her ribs

and places slipping fingers on diamond blades 


	17. Chapter 17

you're a tempest in a teetering cup and you taste like the perfect storm


	18. Chapter 18

she was shattered spines and fault lines


	19. Chapter 19

We're just glass dolls with paper hearts born into a cruel world.


	20. Chapter 20

your lips were twin ice shards and your kisses scorched like an inferno


	21. Chapter 21

i tasted starshine on your lips

\- _you're my favourite piece of the night_


	22. Chapter 22

i loved him with a mouth full of blood

_i loved him_, numbed and drugged

i cut myself on his harsh lines

made anew by his design

his blade-coated words caress my sanity

exit wounds gently adorn me

claw marks crescent my skin

his venom invades within

he snaps my glass bones

and uses the shards to build his throne

and when i am nothing but hollow and empty at my core

he'll find someone else to _lovingly_ adore


	23. Chapter 23

what's under those lies, love?

because i can taste war underneath those champagne kisses

your delicate spine holds steel ice

your words drip honey and cuts like glass shards

your syrupy laugh hides rumbling thunder

your amber eyes hides a monster in your soul

your lipstick is a shade of perfect murder

you can't hide from me, darling

you are a being that cannot be named


	24. Chapter 24

_'i love you'_

with your mouth full of my blood,

the lie layers sweet with sour copper

\- you are a kaleidoscope of flavours


	25. Chapter 25

you are the storm to my calm

the blood to my petals

the bruises to my bandaids

the decay to my metal

\- you are the perfect shade of fucked up


	26. Chapter 26

I'm just a shattered mirror with the scattered pieces glued in chaotic order.


	27. Chapter 27

i'm being torn apart by the dissonance in my heart

this resonance of two-toned parts is killing me

i am spilling out from my dreams

and my screams cannot be heard

my words cut and cure me

they both hate and adore me

i am a godless creature with a Creator

the craters on my whole adorn and scorn me

this ink that flows through my veins

is making me crazy but keeps me sane

i am both simple and complicated

i am dead and i'm dedicated

i am both rotten and healed at the core

both diamonds and pebbles

and this meddled mind can't take anymore


	28. Chapter 28

I left you, with your white lies still splattered with fresh blood

I left you, with scattered shards of bone sticking through my heart

I left you, tattered remains that withered into ashes in my wake

I left you, shattered pieces that spelled _you're my first and last mistake_


	29. Chapter 29

I am steel right before I shatter.


	30. Chapter 30

she had whirlwind hair & stormy eyes

tempest trails dotted her skin

she smelled of burnt ozone & earth

and tempered chaos within

she tasted just like thunder

that tore the sky asunder

so when lightning sizzles in her blood

to signal the incoming flood

i start to understand why hurricanes are named after people


	31. Chapter 31

i had bleached bones and a hollowed out ribcage

i swallowed every word of yours until the colour leached from my rose-painted glasses into faded gray

fading away

jaded games i've already played

i paid for my sins and my skin crumbled

and i tumbled down burning sky high concrete

_ride or die_ you hissed and i fell at your feet

and my throne became your seat

please

i only cease to breathe when i try to say your name and the only person i can blame in the end is

me


	32. Chapter 32

a detachment of my soul

a whole universe coming apart, silently

all this emptiness cannot make a whole

this nothingness expands violently

\- numbness


	33. Chapter 33

your lips are cold when i kiss you

your words are empty when you talk

your ghosts always follow me

in all the spaces where i walk

\- my love, you seared yourself into me and now i can barely feel you


	34. Chapter 34

the scales fell from my eyes

and i stopped falling for your lies

oh honey, you had me fooled for so long

**Author's Note:**

> april 2017 - july 2018 (2020 edit)


End file.
